


under the weight of my fears, i fall

by hystericalcherries



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, Drabble, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jim tries so hard guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-02-28 16:39:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13275558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hystericalcherries/pseuds/hystericalcherries
Summary: hero- n. a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.Jim Lake Jr. is given the power of the cosmos and told to use it.





	under the weight of my fears, i fall

**Author's Note:**

> New to the fandom, but not the angst.

_later that night_

_i held atlas in my lap_

_ran my fingers across the whole world_

_and whispered_

_where does it hurt?_

 

The story goes likes this.

Jim Lake Jr. is given the power of the cosmos and told to use it.

Amidst the crumbled demise of his predecessor, an amulet, and within its clockwork of iron and magic are the lives of many, stone flesh and glowing crystals hidden far beneath the earth’s crust like a well-kept secret. And he, who is not yet a man, takes on the mantle like one takes on their fears- with trembling hands and squared shoulders, a breath away from running, but pretending to have courage. For that’s what heroes do, they stand up to their fears and fight for what is right.

And Jim, a child playing warrior, fights.

He fights with twin daggers drawn, the curve of their blades made out of deadly moonlight and a million expectations, poised for battle. But every battle feels like a war and every war feels like an eternity, a plunge into a pit that has no bottom. And falling, he finds, is a scary thing- a terrible mixture of the uncontrollable and the unknown. For the caverns of Trollmarket, though lit with crystals of power and old, are painted black with mysteries and enemies alike and he has fallen right through its door, lost like Alice and contradictous like Gynt.

It’s a intimidating thing, to be the hero of this story. He remembers learning about heroes in school; remembers reading about Heracles and his twelve labors, Horus and his all-seeing eye, and of Quetzalcoatl and his feathered scales. Conquerors, demigods, and martyrs alike. They rise above history and legend, timeless.

He wonders how his story will be told- wonders how it will end.

In truth, Jim had always wished for adventure outside the doldrums of Arcadia. It had been a guilty desire, a secret he had buried deep inside himself and only let out once daylight was his to command. Though now that he has it, the adventure and the power and the amulet, he’s not sure if it’s worth the trouble.

Blinky had told him once, _fear is just the precursor to valor_ , and he keeps that with him now. He repeats it like a mantra, over and over and over again, desperation strumming along every taut line as Kilahead Bridge collapses and he is left buried under its rubble. Strive and triumph over fear, that is what it means to be a hero.

But no, that’s wrong. Breathing in the ruin and muscles aching, he learns the truth. It doesn’t matter how much he fights, for no amount of courage can save him. A hero- a hero in its truest sense- isn’t made by happy endings, but of tragedies. Tragedies that are heavy in their burden upon his person, bowing his back and breaking his spirit.

 _Young Atlas_ , Strickler had called him, unwittingly sealing his fate. A hero with a thousand faces, anguish carved in every expression, cracking under the pressure. It is too much and he, frightened and broken beyond repair, can’t bear it any longer. So he doesn’t.

And so Jim, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, falls.

_it answered_

_everywhere._

**Author's Note:**

> The poem used is by Warsan Shire.  
> This drabble is also on my [tumblr](http://hystericalcherries.tumblr.com/post/170471227528/under-the-weight-of-my-fears-i-fall).


End file.
